MS car and parenting

"Don't look!"
Continues to record waiting for the crash.
"Stay in the car!"
Runs out the car to check on the people.

Confused kids make confused adults.

I was bullied in school

The events I’m explaining happened in 2004 - 2006, in Shreveport, LA - Caddo Parish.

In middle school I was seen by someone sitting outside of McD’s with my mate, at the time. The next day, the person (who I thought of as a friend) asked me who I was with and I answered “My mate.” After that, I though nothing of it, but little did I know it was being spread after school after that. When I got to gym, may last hour, I was comforted by all of the others and asked “Are you gay?” I thought about it, and just said “Yes.” I didn’t feel gay, but I didn’t know what “bisexual” was at the time.

After that, I was shunned! While I had my mate with me, I took it better. It was still hurtful, but I oped it as “I’d rather fun ignorant people off, than have them like me”. That didn’t cover the people that were willing to psychically bully me, though. I didn’t have the most harsh psychical experiences, but my mentality, and emotions were broken enough.

I still had a few friends that didn’t care about that! I also had anime, and because of anime, I had those friends! I was too afraid to skip school, but I was always hours late and I stayed to myself outside of my friend group.

It’s time for me to come clean about something, though. The reason why I didn’t speak out as hard as I should have is because my grades were poor, my reports were fucked up, and I was 3 grades behind. At the time, it mattered because I’ve seen Caddo pull some low shit. I was afraid they would turn the argument of my bullying situation into my records. The “What’s the point of protecting you? You’re not doing anything, anyway,” but in much better, pro wording - like I’ve seen before.

The few times I ccould manage asking for help I was just being shrugged off. People weren’t taking my issues seriously, so I didn’t bother speaking on all of them in detail - in the out patience counseling. I did go into detail while I was in Brentwood, and that was pointless. They had no specif design for LGBTQ counseling, and basically told me “as long as I’m not hurting anyone I’m fine. So, get over it.” It actually hurt me more. They also gave me no advice on how to handle bullies other than “walk away”. I walked away, alright. I DROPPED OUT. I was happy to drop out, but I wasn’t really away from the bullies. After I dropped out, I was so depressed. My life was meaningless, and I was nothing. It took me YEARS to get myself back together. Even when I thought I was over it, I wasn’t. I’m still somewhat not over it, because I never got the proper counseling. I don’t feel bad for dropping out of school for my situation, but it would have been nice to have other opinions.

The Trevor Project was out a few years before all this hit, but I had NO idea it existed. The LGBTQ world was all underground, to me. At the time, I was just using anime and manga to help myself feel better. I’m not saying it didn’t work, but the right people to talk to would have actually helped me with my issues. Anime and manga could just cheer me up, and entertained me, instead of being the total vice it was. It made some fun friends for me, so I wouldn’t take it back. There’s was no talk of queerness around me, other than a few of my mother’s gay friends. I didn’t know it was a whole word with support groups, and activities, and OTHER PEOPLE!

There weren’t a lot of things and people in my life to teach me to “be myself”. Most of the people around me were fine with the dull conformity, but I never was and never will be! I wasn’t born to be that way! The morale lessons at the end of Sailor Moon, Moltar and T.O.M. 1 on Toonami, and some anime/ manga protagonist were all I had on “being myself”, and “being proud of myself”.

But, now I know of all this COMMUNITY! It makes me very sad that sometimes we fight among ourselves! You never know where you might end up. Sometimes, we’re all we have. Here in 2012, I am got to look into proper counseling. There’s more for teens and kids, than young adults, adults, and elderly. Hopefully, there’s change in the words for that.

Thanks for reading!

Voice acting?

I'm think about voice acting again, years later. After listening to working voice actors talk about voice acting, I was scared away from the idea. I know it doesn't pay, but now that I have my career in mind, I can voice act for free, or some pennies. I'm going to put out a demo reel soon, and see what happens.

Before I go too long without making an update

Not much has changed for me. My summer break is almost over! I can go back to class! Mother and I are getting more on each other's nerves, so I'm going to skip out soon. I might have to go homeless. Been arting alot, and it's mostly Skullgirls. Been raining a lot here, much to my joy! After what happened last summer, we deserve all this rain! People here are still stupid, but things are  looking up, in some cases.

I'm thinking about leaving the SkullGirls fandom

Not because I don't like the game anymore. I will still wait for the PC release, and hopefully be able to by it. I want to leave the fandom because some of the people in it really suck. I've never even said that about a fandom before, and I've been in a quite a few. Some not as popular, some more popular, and all better behavior than the people in the SkullGirls fandom. I say that having been in the Naruto fandom. Admittedly, I left the Naruto fandom because the people where all too often immature, but not because they were mean, and uppity. I'm not say they're all bad. Of cor, there are some good people in the fandom! I just don't what's up with the Tumblr section of the fandom to make 90% of the one's I've come across assholes. Maybe because it's blog site, and not an art site. This might be the first time I've taken into a fandom via a blog site, but somehow I didn't think of it like that. I suppose a different attitude could be expected on a different platform, but why are they so mean, and judgmental? It's even started to rub off on me, but I'm glad I caught it. Tumblr's LGBTQ support community is worth keeping Tumblr, but the SkullGirls fandom there needs therapy, or something.

This is what's happening in June

It's LGBT Pride Month, and National Masturbation Month!

I found my personal scary side of the Skull Girls fandom. When I get done posting the fanfic I have already written on SGs, I'm going to take a break from fanning it, AND TUMBLR. It's gonna take A LOT of GUROchan, lesbian manga, and furries to heal these wounds. I'm gonna have to BATHE in it, for a while.

What I really don't like or understand is how everything in a fandom I don't like is done by an artist with a style I'm attracted to. It makes it so hard to look away, but what I'm looking at makes me want to throw myself out of a window. It's like a "I'M HITTING THE ESCAPE BUTTON, BUT IT'S NOT DOING ANYTHING!" Once upon a time the esc button was like the red "x" for your keyboard, and what I saw maybe me miss those days. This is also a big put off to voicing some of the story modes, if I ever feel like doing that again - that is.

I can focus more energy into LGBT Pride Month! I'm still thinking of things to do. I have a lot of time, so I'm taking it easy. My LGBT meets are online now, due to no in-person meet attends. I'm going to queer things up in my own way, aside from that. I haven't drawn any art yet, but that's in due time.

I'm looking for a job, and today was a more promising event than I'm use to. I'm not excited about the work, but the money will be a good motivation for as long as I can stand it. I'll be sure not to post anything stupid on a SNS, like so many others. I swear, technology makes some people very stupid.

That's all, for now!

Youjo's “SkullGirls is Sexist” arguement.

First of all, Skull Girls is NOT sexist. Not against women. If you think a game with no lead male roles is sexist against, then that’s how it would be sexist, but against females, no.

Skull girls is the same thing near ever fighting game is. Everything our American media is. EXPLOITATIVE. I’ll remind you Skull Girls’ lead artist and most of it’s staff are males, and I assume are attracted to women. So, the “idle look of a women” in a man’s mind was what was used. We know in real life men aren’t that picky, but give them a change to create an image of what’s on their minds, and you’re very likely to get stuff like Skull Girls (among other things).

It annoys the fuck out of me when people act like they don’t know this. I don’t know who’s reading this right now, but think about this and do research if you must: When you see something you know was created by men, or has “manly” themes what do the females look like? Now, when you see something created by females, or has “feminine themes”, what do the men look like?

I’ve looked at enough shonen and shoujo animes to know how things work. Things that are mainly targeted for a certain group, made by certain people look a certain way. It’s simply shit, people! I’m not saying female gamers don’t exist, but they seem to be rare or occasional. Not enough to have “normal” looking people in video games yet. In this case - with all the words that have been thrown around, I’ll say “reasonably dressed” women.

We know in real life there’s no way in “hell” females wear that shit to a fight! But, this isn’t real life, and that’s also a very important point. People can create whatever they want and make it work. They made it, so why the fuck not?

Now, about men in games. I’ve seen a vary of men much great to their female counter parts, but that’s also an occasional thing. Everyone once in a while you will see a fat, ugly, or old game as an active member on the fighting panel of a game. Other than that we have a lot of younger very much of what we consider “attractive” guys. I understand this problem is in how they’re dressed. Why are the women also naked and the guys usually have more clothes? I think this comes from what creators think women like to look at. I’ve seen a lot of fanart of pretty boys half naked coming from characters that can have on elaborate clothing. Females can translate sexy, and covering them up gives them the freedom to imagine! Men are more straight forward with their visualizations. The designs can vastly different, but the point of interest is the same: Make a sexy girl, then have her show us some skin. People that are attracted to females made what people that are attracted to females want to see. How fucking surprising!

As someone who also makes characters, I design mine in the image I want them to be. I’m attracted to both males and females so most of the ones I draw are made in ways I find attractive! I do throw in some variety every now and then, but by drawing some characters more than others it’s easy to see where my head’s at. When it comes to my own characters I like to be what I consider reasonable, and that’s my personal preference. I have my own idea of what “sexy” is, too. Apparently, Alex Ahad and other artists have different opinions what “reasonable” and “sexy” means. I’m fine with that, just so you know. Don’t get me wrong. When I first started noticing how exploited women’s bodies are (by people attracted to women, mind you) it annoyed me, but now I’m use to it.

If you don’t like it you know what you can do about it? MAKE YOUR OWN SHIT! Make your characters look as average, ugly, fat, or old as you want! Pull together a team of indie game makers and make games with what American media and people deem not-special or unattractive. Make shows, and cartoons, and ads and post them on internet video sites. Have at it, and have a great time! You can’t complain about how you don’t think like the way things work, but do nothing about it. We are the media and the people, so we have to change it. CHANGE IT!