My school bulling

I got the most bulling about my sexual ori in school. I complained to staff, and nothing was done in my defense. Maybe I didn't complain enough or to the right people, when I think about it. I was afraid of drawing attention to myself, because my school records were so bad as far as grades and attendance. I don't see that as an excuse for being ignoredwhen I did complain and report things, however. AND I was reporting them to the person in charge on security, but was secure? No.

I was bullied, and treated like a second class human being. It was like I had some kind of disease. People talked about me, stole my things, and either left when I came in or ran me away. A lot of verbal harassment and rumors. I was threatened, but I kept sharp objects handy and fastly wipe them out when approached.

I said all that to say my WORSE experience came from public school in the south. I noticed the homophobic activity when I was young, but didn't know what it was.

Long story short: My music class was singing Yankee Doodle Dandy. The teacher stopped the singing due to some students sounding different than others. When she inquired on the problem most of the female student were changing the gender lyrics on the "sweetheart" part. They even give a hard time about saying the words, and they wanted back and forth for 5 mins or so. The boys and a few girls were like "We can't just get other with, huh? Ya'll have to raise hell over some stupid shit?"

Everyone that didn't give the teacher a hard time about got an A. Some of the people that did, but sang anyway when the teacher said they weren't going to change it got a varying grade. Those that refuse to sing the line all together got an F.

Dropping the Bisex.

A friend said something to me today. Something about "It's life. Just let it happen". I actually had to think about that.

I try to be in control and dependable as possible. Some things i know I can't control ,but I don't think I've truly ACCEPTED that. Then there are some things that have just failed when left to me. I'm so use to failure and reject I let it because a part of me. Sometimes I get mad when little things happen ,and non-caring at bigger things.

I think I know everything about whats wrong ,and right with me ,but I get the feeling I just over think some of the details.

Well, I said all that to say I'm not bi. I don't care about your gender. I'm starting to like my friend more the more he comes around ,but not because he's a guy.I still want my next relationship to be with a girl ,because girls are smart. I'm slow ,stupid ,and stiff. Oh, the SELF-BASHING ,but it's true. I need something opisit of me ,and that's a PRETTY ,SMART, ACTIVE, GIRL.

Yeah ,I just said i don't care about gender ,but I'm not gonna lie about it. I prefer girls because I like boobs ,and soft hairless legs more then hairy bodies and penises.

I just talk alot of trash ,but when it comes down to it I might just end up one of those that's just thankful for whatever will accept me.
I'm not BI i'm PANA.

Time for me to get more loose... but I'm still not gonna be a slut ,or whore. I'm remaining with my V card until I find the right one!