SO WHAT?!

I was really hard on myself that last entry.

I feel kinda bad for liking a guy, in general, but so what? He's nice to me and all.

I don't think we'll ever meet, so much as I'd like to meet him and hang out. I know I have to get real, and end up settling down with a nice girl that i can be with on a regular bases, for a relationship. I have can only hope she's as nice and funny as him.

I have to face my jealousy

I'm jealous of people in couples. I've been single for about 6 - 8 years now, but I've just started be become lonely about 2 years ago. I get nervous and upset when someone bring their gf or bf around me, and i feel dejected when I know a person's someone or likes someone.

I don't get jealous of the people, themselves, mind you. I'm not upset "Mick" is with "Kyle" because of who they are, or anything like that.

I was ride along the first years really good on "I just don't to deal with other peoples drama", because it was true. After my 2 break ups I was set for single, and I knew it would be a long time before I wanted to get back in that whirlwind.

Unfortunately, I had no plans on how to handle it when those feelings would come back after, like they have now. I think past "other people's drama" now, even tho I still have my own. Somehow I feel like I've become more affectionate, and I have no one to be affectionate with. I know my feelings are heading toward "envy", as well. I act outwardly, sometimes, and I become aggressive and rude.

I just want to get over this. I don't like being rude, and unhappy. I don't want to make make people hurt just because I'm hurt. I understand how stupid this is, but I know I can't help, because I could i wouldn't be having this problem.