I may as well say it. Out Loud.

Things between my mother and I are looking up lately!
I was always complaining about her attitude, but my wasn't really up to pare, either. I wasn't being fair. She has alot of stress factors, but I didn't want them to get to her. The way I was tiring to handle it was treating it like something that should be left outside, but when something bothers you so much on a daily bases and it's not easy to part with it it's going to get into your spirit.

Now I'm exercising a new method. I hug her, at least once every day. I can tell she's feeling better so far, and I'm less angry as well. She doesn't yell as much, but she'll fuss. That's to be expected, however. She's convinced the people she works with are all underhanded, back stabbing hell spawn. It's waring on her mind, and overall morale to stay there, but no other social working jobs pay as much as they do (around here).

We're just doing what we can, now. One day, and hug, at a time.

The Rent Is Too Damn High Party's Jimmy McMillan at the NY Governor Debate

Spirit DAY!/ Gay support day OCT 20th!

“It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes and at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit. Please know that times will get better and that you will meet people who will love you and respect you for who you are, no matter your sexuality. Please wear purple on October 20th. Tell your friends, family, co-workers, neighbors and schools. RIP Tyler Clementi, Asher Brown, Seth Walsh, Justin Aaberg, Raymond Chase and Billy Lucas. You are loved.

Join this event and invite everyone on your friends list. Don’t let their deaths be for nothing. Let it mean something, and let’s do something to change this country for once.”

I have to tell someone! *virginity*

Being a virginity is a sex magnet, ironically.

My latest one is TODAY.

My friend was play driving crazy, and i said "Seriously, don't do that. I don't wanna die a virgin. I wanna feel love."

The reply: "...Really?"

"Yeah." (Why are you surprised?)

"I can't help you want that, if you want."

Then went into some details about his penis size.

WTF moment, for me.

I bring out the pervert in people! I'm happy about that, but it's weird when people flirt with me.

I like my friend AS A FRIEND. I'm horny, but I don't really "know" this person like that.

I'm glad to know when I want I can just go out and tell someone "I'm a virgin. Fuck me!" and just get it. Of cor, if I said that they would assume I'm lying, but you get it.

My problem is, due to lack of affection, I'm easy to think I like people on a higher level then I do. If I had something or someone to focus my love energy on I wouldn't be so weird with everyone else.

I don't like getting jealous when I find out someone I vaguely like has someone of their own. I know it's not right, and it doesn't matter, but I get that messed up feeling.

HAPPY NATIONAL COMING OUT DAY!

I'll take this over fake-ass Columbus Day!

Now, as you all should know a day or any other period of time gets put on something other of respect of sadness for it.

It's just like Pearl Harbor Day, Mothers' Day, MLK day, so on and so forth.

Coming Out Day is for the good and the bad.

The good being the supportive side. Families that love their gay members for who they are. The "friends of" group, and the gay pride itself.

The bad being those that have had to suffer bulling, mistreatment, banishment, and even been killed or killed themselves.

I think too much goes into coming out, tho. It shouldn't be treated differently if its not different, right? People don't go telling their parents "mom, dad, i'm straight", so why does it have to have a heavy meaning when you're gay/ bi?

Well, how I feel about it isn't how most people feel, it seems. As long as it's "different" and people usually can't tell just by looking (in some cases) have to tell people just so they'll know.

Sometimes, it's just about coming out to yourself. Looking in the mirror and having to say "I'm gay/ bi". Breaking away from what the not-so-gay-friendly part of people want you to be and having to come to terms with being yourself. It's hard when you think or know there will be consequences.

Hopefully, I'll have my audio on YouTube later on today TIRING TO BE ON TIME!

Come on out the closet, folks!

I had to make a new one!

I've been putting it off, forgetting about it, and not really caring about it UNTIL TODAY!

My Boss' friend was at the cafe, and i asked her to send me a video from there.

When she added me as her friend she watched my slide show... I was embarrassed, and I have no idea way.

She asked me a psychological question, and I answered, but the art was from last year. I don't think how I felt then is alot of how I feel now.

She said something about the way I did hands (in the event that i did them). I didn't think that deeply into it, but when she asked me the question I didn't stop to think about it before asking, like i should've. Alot of you don't know me from back in the day, but I just recently started drawing hands. I use to have alot of trouble with them, and I was very lazy about it. I thought the pic would be ok without them, and they did, to me. Now I draw them, and I'm fine with them.

This is the one she was.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gxwj-YGB8ME

I made a new one, so if it ever comes up again hopefully, they'll be some changes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7QqVWvjXB0

I'm glad this happened, tho. I thought I wanted to go get counseling, but it turns out I'm too scared to. I don't want to share my issues, like i use to. I use to actually want help, but now I'm scared of having to go back to the mental hospital. To someone like me, that place is as close to jail as i'll ever went to get.

The lady is nice to have around. She didn't mean any harm. I have my own issues. She just happened to one of those people that can "read" art, because she's an artist and musician, herself.

I'll get over some of my humps one day... Or they'll drive me mad.