I'm now apart of the couch surfing community!

When one door closes another one surely opens! I've recently been (emotionally) kicked out of a "community", and shortly after I met someone from couchsurfing.org and I'm apart of a bigger and better community!

I met a Turkish person who is very well traveled, as they've been a traveler and a couch surfing for only a little time, but has been a lot of places. Naturally, I was on the "You know so much stuff! Tell me your stuff! I want to know all the things!" We went to a cafe, a large park, the Citizens Project office, and to their college's campus - for they have a meeting there, after our meetup.

It was so much fun. I was very nervous about meeting someone new, but we're hanging out again soon, so I guess I'm ok. I'm very happy as I not feel like an office part of the CS.org community, and I'm very honored to be apart of such a large, diverise, well-trusted collodge of people!

It doesn't look good on being ready...

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like I'll be ready to travel when my time comes. I still won't have a choice, as my only other option is to stay homeless in the same location. If i'm going to homeless I figured I may as well travel, but I can't find a proper backpack let alone decent camping gear. I found a bike I love, and would be prefect for the road - for $600, that is. I didn't even bother to price the trailers. My laptop is old and becoming more busted everyday, and it's becoming more of a hassle to move around town with, let alone take it on the road. It's so old it takes up too much power to plug into shared power ports. And, it HAS to be plugged in to operate because the battery is old, and doesn't go unplugged for more than 7 minutes. I can't complain about it too much because it's better than nothing right now, but it doesn't seem like it will do me any good while I'm traveling. No one's going to want to trade it for anything of real value because it's so old - I'm stuck with it. The new laptop I picked out is $600, and the tablet is $300. I want to send my valuables home to my parents, but that costs money I don't have and it doesn't look like I will have. I don't want to have to sell them. They're valuable to me, but not to someone else to get enough money to make it worth losing.

I just don't know what I'm going to do. I want to be in at least a decent state of being able to travel on my own, instead of having to do it the hard way - being carry everything I can fit into a small normal type backpack and literally walk my journey. It's also going to be sometime in January when all the shelters are likely to be full, if I'm very landed in a place with shelters.

This is turning out to look like something more horrible but necessary than fun and an important piece of my life. There's a level of "horrible" given I have to do it, vs my options, but my options are worse - in my perspective. I don't want to turn into one of those crazy homeless people that have been on the streets in the same place for 20 years!

I have a job here, but they don't care to have the schedule sheet available for me so I can sign up for hours. They don't call when hours are open, even though I'M ON CALL. And, the only person on call, at that! I'm looking for another job, with no luck until school is back in session which will only give me 3 or 4 months in my current situation to work EVERYTHING out. Aside form my traveling stuff I have other reasonableness to my current situation. Outside of my situation, I can't find a new place to live in town on my budget. It would be counterproductive to move outside of town, because i don't have a car to come back into town at will. And, the bus system here can't give a single care about stuff like that. I have only a few friends with cars, and they also have their own lives to live. I won't have any gas money for them, either. You know, because I live out of town where there are no jobs, and too far away to get to a job, so I'll have no job, no money, no ride. 

What should I do? What CAN I do? This whole thing looks hopeless, now.

Friends but not friends

Someone I met in the shelter that helped me move into my room. I thought we were friends, even after they confessed their "advanced" feelings for me. They didn't stop hanging after that, so I thought it was ok. Even when they still went on to try to advertise going out to dinner together.They were even there to help me move and get settled in by spending my first fews days with me.

But -on my end of the story-, when it finally set in that I wasn't interested in such events my personality suddenly became "too radical" for them. The main event that gave them their "out" on our relationship was my disagreeing with their plans to appease their shelter case manager. The idea was to apply for the program that I'm in, but with no interest in joining. I expressed that I disagreed with them wasting the program's time and taking time and space someone that needed the program and wanted to be in it could be using. After that we talked no more, until I found out they worked at a store. We still didn't "talk",  but I made it clear I was over it.

I was shocked, as that was the first time that's ever happened to me. I'm disgusted, and disappointed with the situation, but not disheartened by humanity. It was explained to me that the person just wanted to feed off my positive energy, but I don't believe such things. I'm just as homosapien as anyone else, and there's nothing of me to feed from. There are times I can't even feed myself. 

When they repeated vented about the same issue with their family members I would tell them "You need to sign up for Aspen Pointe to see a therapist. There's nothing I can do to help with the issues of your family." And, I'm proud on how consistent I was with that. And, still am. That's what I tell everyone that comes to me with in-depth problems. "I'm not the help you need. You need a professional," has become my tagline. I can see how they would think seeking a higher level of relationship with me would get me to open up to those kinds of problems, but I was strictly rejecting it. The kind of relationship also comes with other details that I was rejecting even more. I also wasn't sexually attracted to them, and it's common for sex to be a factor in those types of relationships in our culture. AND, IT WASN'T GOING TO HAPPEN.

I'm not awaiting "marriage". I wait on "the one", and I know that "one" would not drop me because I'm not a cheerleader for all the bad jokes, repeated rants, and self righteous behavior. I quit baby sitting a long time ago, and I have no plans to return to it - nor I will be baby sitting adults (/'s egos).