Bad spelling and grammar.
Mother started yelling at me at 6am of all times of the day.
Yelling about how I'm wasting another year of my life, when it's February.
How I'm wasting my youth, when i'm 21.
She compares me to other people with different lifes and situations.
She tells me how things were when she was growing up, like that matters. She was upper middles class, now we're lower middle class.
She threatens to kick me out.
The usually run-of-the-mill.
I haven't had work in 2 months, far enough, but when you say i'm "wasting" that makes it sound like i've done aboustly nothing. She compares me to my sister's, whose and situations are dfferent then mine. She kicked the oldest out at 16 or 17 (i don't really remember), but she had a bf to stay with. They had kids by the time they were 21 and I don't, so how are you going to compare me to that? They had heavy responsiblities and priorites pushing them that i don't have at 21. I've done my share of fucking up and giving up, at this point. She yells at me because she thinks i don't (at least) feel bad, because she doesn't see me feeling bad. I dont like being here all day by myself, with or without cable/ internet. I'm noticing a pattern, tho. She only yells at me when the cable and internet are off. It's not just about that, she yells in general. And she has developed a habit of not taking her blood pressure meds like she's suppose to.
What really gets me is when she yells at me for doing things she asks me to do. She fusses when I didn't tell her when we're out of something. She fusses when I do tell her were out of something. Then when I say "Well, you said do/ don't tell you" the subject turns around on me and what I'm not doing. This last yelling was about me telling her we're out of stuff, so I guess I just won't until she yells at me agian. Seems to be the only logical thing to do.
Based on what she said, and she was yelling about, i take it that she thinks I'm not being productive because she doesn't immeditely see it. The reason I don't do anything while she's around is because she's a distraction. When i'm on the phone she'll yell as if she's trying to ingore I'm talking to someone. When I'm working on some she'll pesture me with trying to help, or looking up something for her at the same time. Therefore, I just don't do the stuff while she's around, like when I clean. If I clean while she's here she'll nag and pesture me about how I'm doing it, or even in the order I'm doing it in. When she's not here I clean in peace, and she doesn't complain when she gets back, because the point is IT'S CLEAN.
She also threatened to kick me out, agian, but I'm already starting to be mentally perpared for being homeless. If she's going to move to FL i'm going homeless, anyway. We're basing this off what is and isn't seen so I'll just be be out when she gets here, and practice being homelss for a far hours, if nothing else. I've befriended some homeless people, so they can show me the ropes. I have 2 people I can stay with, and 1 of them can help me get a job where he's working, so I can actually have a ride with him. He's out in the stickes, tho. The other one doesn't have work until it's time time to do yards. I'll concider them, both.
Mind you, while she's yelling at me, there's nothing in there about how she's or anyone else tried to help me and I fucked it up. I'm just in a position where I need more of a leg up then others. If someone can help me get to the point I can take it from there, and do pretty damn good. I can do my best, at least. After the yelling itself, she started talking about how good she had as a kid and up until she was 40. Until she was 40 she had people to run to when she needed something, and had easier then I do. I don't have anyone to run to for money, or many others I would concider staying with if something happened. I'd be out of the streets, either way.
