A long time ago someone I regarded as a friend sexualy assulted me. They dry humped me without permission, and it actually did hurt. When I addressed to to them later, they said they didn't remember doing it. I was hurt in more than one way at the time, but I was a teenager so I forgot about it. I've been around them and trusted them since and times were like it never happened. Every now and then I remember it, though.
When I think about my sexual conduct I think between living a sexless life, and only having sex with someone that I care for - no matter the point in life. When I think of living sexless there is a hate and anger to it. Not just to that person, but to others that have or have tried to assault me.The person with dreads and "education". The person in the white truck "seeking models or all kinds". And, I hate for myself to anyone I have ever assaulted. That seemed like something we all did without thinking. Now I think about it. I am sorry for the people that I've hurt.
When I think of falling in love I fell a wholeness and forgiveness, just from the thought. I feel the love in every way! I separate myself from the wrongs to and from myself and all is truly forgiven in my soul. It's easier to learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of others when I feel the forgiveness of the universe guiding me to my correct path. If and when I ever find "that person" (or "those people") I will no longer communicate with "that friend". Love will let me move on, completely. If not, I am doomed fear and shame. But, I will get what I deserve.
When I think about my sexual conduct I think between living a sexless life, and only having sex with someone that I care for - no matter the point in life. When I think of living sexless there is a hate and anger to it. Not just to that person, but to others that have or have tried to assault me.The person with dreads and "education". The person in the white truck "seeking models or all kinds". And, I hate for myself to anyone I have ever assaulted. That seemed like something we all did without thinking. Now I think about it. I am sorry for the people that I've hurt.
When I think of falling in love I fell a wholeness and forgiveness, just from the thought. I feel the love in every way! I separate myself from the wrongs to and from myself and all is truly forgiven in my soul. It's easier to learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of others when I feel the forgiveness of the universe guiding me to my correct path. If and when I ever find "that person" (or "those people") I will no longer communicate with "that friend". Love will let me move on, completely. If not, I am doomed fear and shame. But, I will get what I deserve.
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