Hello Grandmother,
(misspelling, grammar errors, etc)
It's been a while since my last letter, but this one may not be as good.
[1]'s been in New Orleans helping with the oil spill for weeks, and she won't be back until August. [2]'s new baby is fine, but I forgetting her name. It sounds something like mine, tho. Mom's going to take a GRE test, and go back to school to get her Master's in Social Work. I'm going to college soon, as well, but I don't know what for yet.
I think it's about time you knew what was going on, at least from my side of the story. I don't know what Foster's told you by now, but I'm going to tell you how I feel about it. Basically, I can never see or speak to him agian. I don't how he acts about some things towards you, but he's a bible-thumping, hypocrit of a pig, as far as I'm concidered. I also I have reason to believe he's somehow abusing his wife, at least in a verbal manner. He's a good amount of everything I hate about humanity. I 'm going to tell you that I'm bi/pansexual. I don't know how you react, but I'm sure it's better than his threating to hit me when I told him. I don't think that's a loving father should act towards their child(ren). Even if they didn't approve it, they should find some sort of acceptence for the love of their child. Then, he had the nerve to throw the bible my face (figueritivily) about it later on in the 2 months I stayed with him. He yells and gets threating at anything doesn't like, and throws a tandrum like a child. He'll lie and mis-quote the bible to get his way, too.
If it's one thing I've learned in 21 years, it's I have yet to see any God/dess' damn anyone. People are the one's that damn you. I've already been "damned" by the Christian God, so I don't concider myself a chirstian anymore. No point in following what I am damned by, with people damning me left and right. I'd rather not be unwelcomed, and treated like I'm a bad person when I haven't done anything to be treated that way. The only thing I'm going under now is Agnostic. I'll always believe in a power greater than myself and humanity that creativied us. I'm just not open with anything that isn't open to me. I live with alot of options, but alot of what i'm looking at in Pagan/ Wiccan, and Buddist stuff. I am visiting a church, and thinking of becoming a member. It's All Souls Unitarian Universalist church. Something some people never thought possible: ME, A MEMBER OF A CHURCH! I CHURCH I GENIUNLY LIKE TO GO TO!
Mother and I have had our share of feeling outs, but no matter what we forgive each other. More because we have to, than to just want to some of those times. I would die hungry on the streets before I ever accepted anymore "help" from [name of his]. I just don't want it to be a secert, or something over looked, anymore. I need you(, and maybe his siblings,) to understand that I hate him, as much as he hates me. But, I can look on the bright side of that. I believe I hate him for who he is. I don't hate/ dislike him on any hear-say. If you're going to be a low-life, hypocritically, abusive bastard, then be that. I feel this way based on what I've seen and heard for myself. Believe me, he hates me for who I am. [my name], and everything that comes with the title. I do hope that one I will be able to let go of my strong feeling of hate for him, but I also think hate is as needed as love - as one can't exsist without the other. If i do let go of the angry I will never approve or accept him as long as he's the way he is as I knew him. I doubt he'll ever change useless some really bad to him, like any other over-prideful man.
I want you to know that how I feel about his isn't reflected on you, it's just you house leans towards his territory. As long as you say, we can both visit at any time. Seeing as how I never want to see him I don't want to have open chance of either of us, his wife, or his other kids showing up at the same time.
Love ya!
~
I talked about it to my mother, and she said it wouldn't be a good idea to send it. I agrre now that i've thought about it. As long as no one on that side knows how i feel i can't talk to them, however. I guess I'll just have to live with it.
Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hate. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Considering Tumer's gender *OMFG ART RELATED*
Tumer
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1064243/
I know it has male on it already and I'm not gonna back on an thing and change things on old stuff because he was male at the time. However ,now on considering making Tumer my first officially espt TRANSGENDER character. Male tran - Cunt boy. I already thought he up with a penis and a vagina. If i do go with a penis and will be a small one.
I've put alot of thought into it. Here's some of what i got.
Penis - small : 1 or 2 inches.
~
It would matter to him until someone at school finds out ,and starts teasing him about it. It can go blackmail so no one is told ,or just get around. Tumer's not one to give into being victimized so easily ,despite he apparent psychical weakness. It gets around school, but Tumer still doesn't care, because he doesn't plan on having an sex anyway. Of course the big guys (jock jerks) start picking on him ,and he still doesn't care until they start forcing him into sexual acts (for real reasons i haven't thought of yet). Not only on them ,but others regardless of gender. Tumer doesn't tell anyone for a while because he figures no one would care about him, but he finally has a break down after months of it going on ,and some escalation of activity. At first it's just hand and blow jobs ,but after Tumer stars being threatened with anal rape, and he thinks there's a good change he may have already been. Adrain (formally named Quiney) manipulates his cruse to punish not only the jocks ,but the person that originally tried to blackmail Tumer. He doesn't kill them so the authorities and their parents handle their more "lawful" punishment.
Later characters come in ,and when an adult one finds out Tumer is once again subjected to threats of sexual abuse. However this adult in far from human ,and there's lil Tumer ,Adrain and most anyone else they know can do about it. He already has a history of harassing Tumer before hand, so it's doesn't end up being a surprise that this would happen.
I have the male mostly set up except for his name, and his might have some family. He's no human ,nor necessarily a "demon". He'll mostly end up something that will only apply to the story he's in. The way he finds out about Tumer somehow finds him naked or something - chicle shower scene or whatever. Being the sadist type he'll give out a "Aww, how cute. I didn't know I was babysitting today/ night ," or something along those lines. Then he'll start randomly grabbing and groping Tumer and saying things like "It's so small. I wonder if it works like a normal sized one." i'm still working on all that ,but I got it pretty down.
Vagina - Haven't decided if he can breed with it or not as of yet.
~
Tumer's life is more difficult ,as you can imagine. Boys have penises ,and girls have vaginas, but he's been estpd as a something that LOOKS like a boy ,but his a vagina. He's refereed to as male, but he doesn't like that because ,like said, boys have penises. He can't be called a girl, because he doesn't look like one ,without extra effort. He actually looks gender-indifferent if the face ,but most of his body is a believed (weak) male. He develops an unhearted demeanor about the subject, and when he reaches the age where hormones are in question with a sexual drive he turns hateful and foully twisted minded claiming he'll never have sex ,or fall in love. He believes no one will truly love a freak like him. Add the vagina on top of him being albino, and weak/ sickly looking.
He has already gathered it's unrealistic to think no one would want to just have sex with him. He's a living human being what holes to have sex in ,no matter how you look at it. Tumer sees relationships in a matter of roles ,and being the way he is his role is too questioned on either side. He just marks himself off as "an ugly weak freak" ,and goes on about his business - so to speak. He's told people that try to talk to him about it that he doesn't even touch himself (masturbate) ,for all his hatred. As much as professionals think that's a subject that needs to be farther explored Tumer's father disapproves of any attention on the subject. He doesn't know the deep dark thoughts in his son's mind ,and he'd rather keep it that way. This drives Tumer and his father farther apart ,and when rumors start to spread about his father attempting to kill him when he first started developing oddly he automatically accepts them as true. His father is a cold hearted person to being with ,so there's no reason for him to detore the notion. His father doesn't know this, and (or more so BECAUSE) his youngest son (Tumer's lil brother) develops a habit of explosive, violent behavior where ever he hears the whispers. It's already estd they don't speak on the subject in the house, but as things start to develop and stir what's apparent becomes harder to avoid. The thing is the rumors are true : He not only tried to dismember his child ,but he also put Tumer on all sorts of experimental pills to see of the development "problem" could be corrected. The person at the end of the penis part steps in to make things worse later. He's always harassed Tumer ,and he's been waiting for the subject of sexuality coming into play. He doesn't know off the bat about Tumer's vagina ,but he finds out and all hell breaks loose for the "boy".
How it got out is a reason I haven't thought of yet.
The small penis brings alot of strictly present day sexual abuse drama ,and the vagina brings more family drama.
Both still have a good amount of drama ,but the vagina will get more of a "turning point" emotional theme when the time comes where he accepts it.
Either way ,all he wants is love and he doesn't even know it.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/1064243/
I know it has male on it already and I'm not gonna back on an thing and change things on old stuff because he was male at the time. However ,now on considering making Tumer my first officially espt TRANSGENDER character. Male tran - Cunt boy. I already thought he up with a penis and a vagina. If i do go with a penis and will be a small one.
I've put alot of thought into it. Here's some of what i got.
Penis - small : 1 or 2 inches.
~
It would matter to him until someone at school finds out ,and starts teasing him about it. It can go blackmail so no one is told ,or just get around. Tumer's not one to give into being victimized so easily ,despite he apparent psychical weakness. It gets around school, but Tumer still doesn't care, because he doesn't plan on having an sex anyway. Of course the big guys (jock jerks) start picking on him ,and he still doesn't care until they start forcing him into sexual acts (for real reasons i haven't thought of yet). Not only on them ,but others regardless of gender. Tumer doesn't tell anyone for a while because he figures no one would care about him, but he finally has a break down after months of it going on ,and some escalation of activity. At first it's just hand and blow jobs ,but after Tumer stars being threatened with anal rape, and he thinks there's a good change he may have already been. Adrain (formally named Quiney) manipulates his cruse to punish not only the jocks ,but the person that originally tried to blackmail Tumer. He doesn't kill them so the authorities and their parents handle their more "lawful" punishment.
Later characters come in ,and when an adult one finds out Tumer is once again subjected to threats of sexual abuse. However this adult in far from human ,and there's lil Tumer ,Adrain and most anyone else they know can do about it. He already has a history of harassing Tumer before hand, so it's doesn't end up being a surprise that this would happen.
I have the male mostly set up except for his name, and his might have some family. He's no human ,nor necessarily a "demon". He'll mostly end up something that will only apply to the story he's in. The way he finds out about Tumer somehow finds him naked or something - chicle shower scene or whatever. Being the sadist type he'll give out a "Aww, how cute. I didn't know I was babysitting today/ night ," or something along those lines. Then he'll start randomly grabbing and groping Tumer and saying things like "It's so small. I wonder if it works like a normal sized one." i'm still working on all that ,but I got it pretty down.
Vagina - Haven't decided if he can breed with it or not as of yet.
~
Tumer's life is more difficult ,as you can imagine. Boys have penises ,and girls have vaginas, but he's been estpd as a something that LOOKS like a boy ,but his a vagina. He's refereed to as male, but he doesn't like that because ,like said, boys have penises. He can't be called a girl, because he doesn't look like one ,without extra effort. He actually looks gender-indifferent if the face ,but most of his body is a believed (weak) male. He develops an unhearted demeanor about the subject, and when he reaches the age where hormones are in question with a sexual drive he turns hateful and foully twisted minded claiming he'll never have sex ,or fall in love. He believes no one will truly love a freak like him. Add the vagina on top of him being albino, and weak/ sickly looking.
He has already gathered it's unrealistic to think no one would want to just have sex with him. He's a living human being what holes to have sex in ,no matter how you look at it. Tumer sees relationships in a matter of roles ,and being the way he is his role is too questioned on either side. He just marks himself off as "an ugly weak freak" ,and goes on about his business - so to speak. He's told people that try to talk to him about it that he doesn't even touch himself (masturbate) ,for all his hatred. As much as professionals think that's a subject that needs to be farther explored Tumer's father disapproves of any attention on the subject. He doesn't know the deep dark thoughts in his son's mind ,and he'd rather keep it that way. This drives Tumer and his father farther apart ,and when rumors start to spread about his father attempting to kill him when he first started developing oddly he automatically accepts them as true. His father is a cold hearted person to being with ,so there's no reason for him to detore the notion. His father doesn't know this, and (or more so BECAUSE) his youngest son (Tumer's lil brother) develops a habit of explosive, violent behavior where ever he hears the whispers. It's already estd they don't speak on the subject in the house, but as things start to develop and stir what's apparent becomes harder to avoid. The thing is the rumors are true : He not only tried to dismember his child ,but he also put Tumer on all sorts of experimental pills to see of the development "problem" could be corrected. The person at the end of the penis part steps in to make things worse later. He's always harassed Tumer ,and he's been waiting for the subject of sexuality coming into play. He doesn't know off the bat about Tumer's vagina ,but he finds out and all hell breaks loose for the "boy".
How it got out is a reason I haven't thought of yet.
The small penis brings alot of strictly present day sexual abuse drama ,and the vagina brings more family drama.
Both still have a good amount of drama ,but the vagina will get more of a "turning point" emotional theme when the time comes where he accepts it.
Either way ,all he wants is love and he doesn't even know it.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Oh, the GAY bashing goodness. *JOB*
I got gay bashed at work yesterday by some idiot. Supporting gay rights doesn't make you gay. I'M NOT GAY!
Anyway ,he asked me "What does 'partners' mean?" and I asked how he meant that scene the work can be reffed to alot of things. One of my examples was in legal matters gays have to reffer to their lovers as "domestic partners" and started the flip out! First he said being gay was illegal ,then yelled out to another anti-gay that i said something about gays in law matters. I said "Being gay ISN'T illegal" ,and he said it was to him ,and so did his anti-gay friend (who has used the word 'faggot' by the way. I was right there ,so I'm not mistaken). Later there was more pestering with them swearing i was hitting on everyone i was talking to or looking at INCLUDING HIM. At the end of the night he told the new person I'm gay ,tiring to offend me - no doubt.
I don't wanna go back to the job ,now that i'm basically gonna be the enemy but i don't think I have anyone on my side about this. I'm really pissed off ,but I'll give it another chance. If he does it again I'll report him for either verbal abuse or sexual harassment or BOTH IF POSSIBLE!
I'm hurt because the same thing happened to me in school ,but more action can be taking against someone when they're parents aren't involved. How about Sensitivity Training with no pay? Suspension would just be giving him days off ,and he wouldn't learn anything from it. No, maybe that's not right. He might learn not to fuck with someone just because they're a temp. I still have my rights. In the matter of rights we have freedom of speech ,i know ,but when when someone Else's rights infringing upon YOU'RE right you have the RIGHT to speak out about it. You can say anything you want ,just not to EVERYONE you want.
Anyway ,he asked me "What does 'partners' mean?" and I asked how he meant that scene the work can be reffed to alot of things. One of my examples was in legal matters gays have to reffer to their lovers as "domestic partners" and started the flip out! First he said being gay was illegal ,then yelled out to another anti-gay that i said something about gays in law matters. I said "Being gay ISN'T illegal" ,and he said it was to him ,and so did his anti-gay friend (who has used the word 'faggot' by the way. I was right there ,so I'm not mistaken). Later there was more pestering with them swearing i was hitting on everyone i was talking to or looking at INCLUDING HIM. At the end of the night he told the new person I'm gay ,tiring to offend me - no doubt.
I don't wanna go back to the job ,now that i'm basically gonna be the enemy but i don't think I have anyone on my side about this. I'm really pissed off ,but I'll give it another chance. If he does it again I'll report him for either verbal abuse or sexual harassment or BOTH IF POSSIBLE!
I'm hurt because the same thing happened to me in school ,but more action can be taking against someone when they're parents aren't involved. How about Sensitivity Training with no pay? Suspension would just be giving him days off ,and he wouldn't learn anything from it. No, maybe that's not right. He might learn not to fuck with someone just because they're a temp. I still have my rights. In the matter of rights we have freedom of speech ,i know ,but when when someone Else's rights infringing upon YOU'RE right you have the RIGHT to speak out about it. You can say anything you want ,just not to EVERYONE you want.
I still want to run away from this ,but if i do nothing will come out of it. He will think he has dominate word, and all gays and people that support gay rights are cowardous fucks. For my own sake ,i know not everyone agrees with me nor is everyone mature about it ,and i can't run just because of that.
If it bothers me enough today ,I'll go ahead and report him for saying that stuff. I'll be sure to tell them everything ,as i will have a list, and even suggest the punishment. I'm think I'm gonna be as much of a sadistic fuck about this as possible. The best part is I have witnesses ,and cameras to PROVE i have witnesses ,so they can't weasel out of it easily.
Time will tell on this issue ,but it won't take much. I never said I was intolerant. I'm very against haters!
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